Five years ago, God was good.

Posted by & filed under Evie Grace, God Shapes Our Family.

isaiah43

Five years ago yesterday, life was fine.

I was 25 years old, twenty-one weeks pregnant with our second child. My tummy was cute and round, and although we had favorite boy and girl names already picked, we were yet undecided about whether we wanted to find out the gender at the next day’s ultrasound, or wait for it to be a fun surprise when he/she was born.

That was our big dilemma.

Five years ago yesterday, the waters of life were calm.

And we were expecting.

And God was good.

And, He was at work.

__________________

Five years ago today, life was harder than it had ever been.

Instead of expecting a cradle, we were suddenly expecting a casket.

And the once calm waters were now colossal waves – suffocating and devastating.

“Not compatible with life” and “could be days, could be weeks” were the words that echoed in our ears.

We turned to His promises, that He had “overcome the world” and that we would “not be burned”. And we clung to The Rock for dear life.

And five years ago today, God was good.

And, He was at work.

___________________

Five years ago tomorrow, life was a fog.

We were still expecting a casket.

We were also expecting a miracle. Though, we suspected that it might not come in the form we would prefer.

Five years ago tomorrow, I turned on my computer and began to type. I typed these words and sent them to as many people as I could think of. I would continue to write long after that.

And for eleven more weeks, the storms raged and life was dark and there wasn’t enough oxygen to go around.

And on that day in April, time stood still as I pressed my lips to my daughter’s head for the final time this side of Heaven.

And we knew sorrow like no parent should ever know.

And God was good.

And, He was at work.

___________________

Five years later – today – life is different. It will never be the same.

And though a piece of our hearts is buried in a tiny grave bearing the names we had already chosen (the names that mean “life” and “grace”), and although five years later, it’s still not tidy or okay that she’s not here at our breakfast table this morning – we did get our miracle.

We gained a new appreciation for life. And a fierce longing for Heaven. And we have known the love of the Father – of her Father - like never before.

And the waves did not overwhelm us.

The flames did not consume us.

And friends, God is so good.

And, He is very much at work.

psalm90
Remembering our precious daughter, Evie Grace Myers today. She was lovingly created by her Father with Trisomy 9, lived in my womb 212 days and was born into the arms of Jesus on April 9, 2008. So much she accomplished in her 212 days. Lord, that you would teach us to number our days for your Kingdom as well.
 

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58 Responses

  1. kk @ the mom diggity 23 January 2013 at 10:30 am

    Thank you for sharing your heart and your story. It’s amazing how God works through even the most difficult times in our lives and uses our story to make a major impact for His kingdom. I’m praying that sweet Evie’s story impacts more than you will ever know. I can’t wait to meet her someday and see how God made her perfectly whole :)

    Reply
  2. Evie's Dad 23 January 2013 at 10:35 am

    Most parents with similar experiences don’t get the opportunity to be proud of their lost children. I get to see God’s amazing work through my little girl on a daily basis. Beyond proud to be the father of a girl God continues to use even as she basks in His presence.

    The bitter taste of a fallen world paired with the sweetness of seeing God’s grace and purpose this side of heaven.

    Reply
  3. Amanda 23 January 2013 at 10:36 am

    Tears of love and pain and joy and hope for you this morning, for you and your sweet family, for you and that miracle daughter lovingly held by you and now by our father in heaven. God is good. Your words are beautiful. I love you.

    Reply
  4. Amy 23 January 2013 at 10:44 am

    That was written so beautifully and so heart wrenching good. Goosebumps. And love renewed for our Lord and my own children. Thank you for being so brave to write about your sweet daughter. Thinking about you and your family today.

    Reply
  5. Meaghan 23 January 2013 at 10:51 am

    Raechel, I just started following your blog in the last couple months and while I have really enjoyed reading through your posts, I hadn’t read back far enough to know what you & your family experienced five years ago. And actually, I’m not sure it would have affected me back then like it did today because I too have a similar story as you and just had to say goodbye to our baby girl last month after carrying her for 39 weeks. It’s hard to imagine finding the good in things right now, but your strength & honesty really help give me hope for the future ahead. Praying for you & your family!

    Reply
  6. annie_loo 23 January 2013 at 10:58 am

    Goodness gracious. I never knew this. I am so extremely sorry and saddened but thankful that you can still see God’s goodness and hand on your family and your life.

    April 17 2004 a very close friend delivered a baby boy, Jackson, with Trisomy 18. He lived a few short hours. I’ve not known pain like that pain before and he wasn’t even mine. We were so longing for a miracle. I believed with every bit in my body that he would be healed. But on earth, he was not healed. But today, he’s dancing the streets, maybe with your Evie, praising Jesus. Now, that’s Healing if I’ve ever seen it.

    Bless you sister. You’re in my prayers!

    Reply
  7. Erin 23 January 2013 at 11:09 am

    I was drawn to your blog years ago, and I have been very blessed by your good testimony in the midst of the loss of your baby girl. I have my own Evy Grace who will also be five soon, and seeing her reminds me to pray for you. Thank you for sharing your story!

    Reply
  8. keight 23 January 2013 at 11:42 am

    freaking beautiful, raeface. what a perfect picture you’ve given here about the overcoming beauty of Christ’s promise even in the midst of the pressing pain of waiting to see its full fruit with our own eyes.

    your words, your faith, your focus on your Father truly make it “on earth as it is in heaven.”

    my knowing evie and yall’s letting her life be a beautiful working out of a gospel promise fulfilled have without a doubt made my life better. i rejoice that who she is and where she is have made me closer to our King. i know i am not alone in this.

    what faithful parents yall are for being the stewards or her life and her story and letting them work for His glory. girlfriend has a powerful ministry for only 212 days in this broken place.

    Reply
  9. Margaret 23 January 2013 at 11:46 am

    Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for opening up your heart. You story has me in tears this morning, and thankful for precious life. I am so thankful for parents like you who live to be a testimony of God’s work, and who have seen the good work of his hands through it all.

    :)

    Reply
  10. Erin 23 January 2013 at 12:49 pm

    Rachael, we met at Influence. I told you then and I’ll tell you again how much her story helped me. We got Christian’s fatal diagnosis 2 years ago next month. I’m currently 24 weeks along with a healthy baby. God redeems all things – and He is good. Thank you for sharing Evie with the world. She is so missed and always remembered.

    Reply
  11. Jessi 23 January 2013 at 2:16 pm

    I’m adding my thanks to the thanks so many others. Your love for Evie and Jesus have blessed my heart over and over. Thank you for pressing into loss, thank you for continuing to share your story & thank you for giving us a chance to see Him more clearly. Love you!

    Reply
  12. Christine Benson 23 January 2013 at 2:45 pm

    I have always loved reading your blog posts and today’s is no exception. Just last week, I re-read all of the posts on Evie. I felt drawn to read them and it made me really think about life and death and how we deal with loss in our lives. I was missing my mom really bad last week….. and I know that it is normal to have emotions come in waves, but reading your post brought me comfort. Thank you!

    Reply
  13. Brei 23 January 2013 at 3:18 pm

    His beauty and loves shines through you with exuberance! What a beautiful life your girl had and the impact of her story continues to change lives. Thank you for sharing and for being grace.

    Reply
  14. Dana 23 January 2013 at 3:39 pm

    Sometimes I get asked from those that are outside looking in on my life where the miracles are? So that they can know God is real. God has given us truths and tidbits of beauty and grace to draw us sometimes fiercely, sometimes sillently to Himself. He is using you through your heart and the expression of that heart in this way and I pray that these words reach the very depth of someone’s soul who is searching for our Heavenly Father.

    Reply
  15. Shannon Hartman 23 January 2013 at 3:57 pm

    Thank you for this post. It’s a good reminder for me that God IS good. Our daughter had Trisomy 13 and was born and went to heaven 6 months ago. I love your words “she was lovingly created by her Father with Trisomy 9″ We prayed and prayed Psalm 139 for Ella both while I carried her and after. My heart has been tender this past week. Your post is a good reminder for me.

    I read your blog about your sweet Evie during late hours after Ella’s diagnosis when I couldn’t sleep. I copied many verses that carried you into a small album and added to them and carried that album with me everywhere. It was a great comfort.

    Letting you know, your words and Evie’s life stretches further daily.
    Blessings,
    Shannon Hartman

    Reply
    • Raechel Myers 23 January 2013 at 4:19 pm

      Oh, Shannon. Aching for you right now. And praying for the Father’s comfort for you right now, too. Six months is so little time – I remember that fresh ache so well. Let me and my experience, as a sister, testify to His faithfulness.

      Reply
  16. Dianne McInerney 23 January 2013 at 5:48 pm

    Thank you for your beautiful words and your incredible testimony. I have been indebted to you for teaching me how to sew. Now I am indebted for you teaching me to love God jus a little bit more. Yes He is good and yes He is at work.

    Reply
  17. Kimberly 23 January 2013 at 6:53 pm

    Thank you so much for posting such an amazing testimony of faith so other mothers, like myself, can remember we are not alone and we walk with Jesus every step of the way. It was 3 months ago yesterday since we said goodbye to our own angel baby boy and the pain is still so raw. Although he only lived 17 hours, he has changed a countless number of lives by proving that the only way to salvation is through Jesus. If my baby can not be in my arms, I am grateful to know he is with the Lord. God Bless your family and praying for you.

    Reply
  18. kim 23 January 2013 at 9:16 pm

    Amazing…simply amazing. And your thoughtful comments to the other readers who have gone through similar experiences….just beautiful. Praying for you and your family.

    Reply
  19. Dana 23 January 2013 at 9:23 pm

    I simply cannot imagine your pain. God’s plan is always so much bigger than we can ever see or envision, but He is always good. Thank you for your beautiful words. God bless and keep you.

    Reply
  20. Beth Herring 23 January 2013 at 11:32 pm

    beautiful picture of the merciful and gracious God that we serve. As I am going through tough trial as my sister is in a battle with cancer right now, these verses are some that I quote to myself daily and that I remind her of as well. Our God will never leave us. Never forsake us. He is always good and oh, how amazing it is that He is at work in our lives. Perfecting. Growing. Stretching. And Molding us into who He wants us to be in Him.

    Reply
  21. Libba 24 January 2013 at 6:58 am

    Thank you for this. I’m a few weeks away from the one year anniversary of my daughter going to heaven at 38 weeks (Anencephaly) and I already fear forgetting her. It is a huge encouragement to see your heart 5 years out, still remembering so well. Thank you!

    Reply
  22. Brittany 25 January 2013 at 12:01 pm

    So nice to hear of someone who has gone through what i have recently had to endure… And know there is another side when I get over this mountain. Not nice to hear that someone else had has to live through this pain that NOBODY should have to endure, but encouraging that you can get through it and feel as though God is good again. So traumatic in more ways than anyone can ever tell you. Thanks for your honesty!

    Reply
  23. mandie 25 January 2013 at 3:36 pm

    raechel, I started reading your blog at least four years ago, but I’m pretty sure even longer. It wasn’t that long after you lost your Evie and it made me sad & I’ve never forgotten. For some reason, last month I went back and re-read her story over again and I just cried and sobbed for you friend. I knew of her then, but reading it this time, now that I know you and your sweet heart, it just broke me. I never sent a note like I intended to, and I’m so sorry for my negligence. I just pray that you are comforted in the hardest of times. So much love,

    Mandie

    Reply
  24. jade 26 January 2013 at 3:12 pm

    Thank you Raechel, I just have to remember that she was never meant for this earth, from the moment she was knitted in my womb, God had another plan. Ill see her again one day.

    Reply
  25. Erin 26 January 2013 at 5:03 pm

    This is beautiful Raechel. God works in mysterious ways and apparently he wanted your little one way too early in life but he had a plan for you and your sweet family. Putting your trust in him is the best thing you can do when something like that happens. God bless my dear!

    Reply
  26. Jill Burton 24 January 2014 at 11:56 am

    Oh Raechel,

    This was written so beautifully.

    I lived with my brother and his wife while they were walking the road of Trisomy X-18 with their second child. I was there when the geneticist called with the news. I was there when Kathryn was born full term. I held her shortly after her last breaths five weeks later. I believed the whole time that God could rearrange the DNA if that was His will. Instead, He has given my Jon and Nancy a heart for the hurting. God’s healing involved a different plan, His plan. And we look forward to the glorious appearing of our Lord and Savior…and to seeing all the beautiful faces of the children He has called home before our time, but not before His.

    Reply

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