Maybe it’s the calendar turned to August.
Maybe it’s the marks on the wall that are higher than ever.
Maybe it’s the fact that none of his shoes fit him anymore.
Whatever it is, I feel myself scrambling to spend more time with
I want to sit down just to watch him think.
I ask him to tell me jokes just to hear him laugh.
He’s such a person.
A really neat, really complicated person.
And he’s worth it.
He’s worth watching. Worth studying.
Worth all the love and patience and grace and discipline it takes to be his Mom.
He’s perfect and fallen. He shows me myself – for better or worse.
Being his Mom has taught me volumes about my relationship with my Heavenly Father. All that grace and provision and patience and unconditional love – I want to learn to love like Him.
Loving him means dying to myself – setting myself completely aside. I learn it over and over again, and then I forget it.
It means putting aside my projects to listen to him chatter while he paints, and playing that third and fourth game of UNO or soccer when I really just want to take a moment for myself.
There are good days and there are hard days as a parent. Sometimes more one than the other.
Some days I want his bedtime to be my bedtime and the thought of starting all over again in the morning is nothing short of daunting.
But he’s going away soon. He’s going to be a kindergartener in just two weeks. Our lives are never going to be the same.
I got to have him at home for almost six years. I got to be his Mommy however I chose. I knew these first years would fly by and they have. And now in a sense (a very real sense), I’m sending him out into the big bad world. (Well, it’s not so bad…not in kindergarten… right?)
I’m scared. And sad. And peaceful. And excited. And a big jumble of mommy emotions.
So, please pardon me as my presence online is a bit sporadic these next couple of weeks. I get 14 more days with this kid before he straps on that backpack and I plan to spend them asking for jokes, painting circle rainbows, and dating this boy who’s one of a kind!
He is my good and perfect gift. God sure knows how to give, doesn’t He?